


Joy & Woe are woven fine

by MrsRidcully



Series: Joy & Woe are woven fine  A Clothing for the soul divine [1]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Angst hurt /comfort later chapters, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, mentions of depression and ptsd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-11-22 06:07:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11374149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsRidcully/pseuds/MrsRidcully
Summary: “Look LT, I’m fine, right as rain, hunky dory and as the Brits would say Tickety fucking boo! You and the rest of the mother hens of Bravo can take big asses chill the fuck out pill,” Ray's voice snarked down the phone, but Nate could tell it lacked its usual edge.





	1. Joy & Woe

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of Pure fiction no insult intended or otherwise towards the actual men or actors who portrayed them ,
> 
> and hope you will all bear with me while I get this out of my system, The title for this fic and chapter names come from the William Blake Poem The Auguries of Innocence I have had a deep love for it for many years.
> 
> The biggest thank you and Hugs to my @Emono this fic would not have seen the light of day if not for your help and patience and helping me get through a crisis of Smut

 

_ Man was made for Joy & Woe  _

_ And when this we rightly know  _

_ Thro the World we safely go  _

_ Joy & Woe are woven fine  _

_ A Clothing for the soul divine  _

_ Auguries of Innocence _

_ By William Blake  _

 

 

“Look LT, I’m fine, right as rain, hunky dory and as the Brits would say Tickety fucking boo! You and the rest of the mother hens of Bravo can take big asses chill the fuck out pill,” Ray's voice snarked down the phone, but Nate could tell it lacked its usual edge. 

 

“Ray listen to me!” Nate decided play the former LT card putting as much authority in his voice as he could muster. “Don’t bullshit me, corporal. I read the accident report. Your car going off the road was not an accident.” 

 

“Oh fuck you, sir, this conversation is over!” With that Nate was left with empty air as Ray abruptly ended the call. 

Nate stared at his phone trying to decide what to do. He was broken out of his thoughts by the sound of the front door opening and the muffled curses of Mike tried as he tried to navigate his way through the door while Fizzgig their homicidal cat worked on tripping Mike over. 

 

“Nate you home?” Mike's voice floats in from the hall, Nate marvels that after six months together his stomach still flip flops at the sound of Mike's voice. The strong bond they had developed in Iraq had deepened into something that was both surprising and welcome in the months after Nate had left the corps. Monthly emails had turned into weekly calls when Mike was not on deployment, then the visits started a few days here and there. Nates reverie was broken by the feel of lips pressed to the back of his neck and the tickle of whiskers against his skin. 

 

“Did I catch you daydreaming again Nate?” He could feel Mike's smile against his neck. 

 

Nate turned from where he stood at the kitchen counter to face Mike. “No I just had a call with Ray.“ 

 

He tilting his head back so he could look at Nate's eyes. “And that went as well as expected I guess?” Mike murmured into Nate’s hair. 

 

Nate let out a frustrated huff turning to burrow his head into Mike’s throat. “No, not well at all. I am really worried about him. He’s on his own there, he needs his brothers. He’s one of us. Ray needs us whether he knows it or not.” 

 

Nate just stood there leaning against Mike, breathing in his smell and just enjoying his solid presence. He could feel Mikes hands moving slow soothing circles on his back, pulling back from there embrace a little Mike looked thoughtful. “Let's get some food sorted  and I kind of need a shower. Then we can put our heads together and see what we can do for Ray” 

Nate stepped back taking a good look at Mike, the mud and grit covering is work uniform and the dirty smudges on his face it would be safe to assume Mike had an eventful day at work. 

“You been busy saving the world, one abused animal at a time.“ Nate reached out to rub at a smear of mud on Mike's cheek, the bashful smirk that crept over Mike's face spoke volumes.

“Got a call out just before finishing up for the day, sounds of a dog trapped down a storm drain. Ended up being a mama Pitbull and two pups.” Mike’s faced took on a fond look. “She was a sweet thing once she realized I was trying to help her. Got em out and to the clinic. They should do fine. Kathy at the no kill shelter said they should be able to find a foster family willing to take them all.”

Nate stepped around Mike going to retrieve one of the many takeaway menus stuck to the fridge, Nate hummed in thought. “Sounds like you need a night of from cooking. Take out or I could try and fix something together for us to eat?”

 

Mike leaned back against the counter “While you are a man of many talents,” Mike remarked with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle. “The thoughts of you trying to cook still fill me with more fear than entire battalion of Saddam's finest.”

 

A look of mock horror and outrage filled Nate's face. “Fuck you! I remember clearly the first week you were here , you extolling the virtues of my grilled cheese.” 

 

A slightly sheepish grin appeared on Mike’s face. “That may have been a strategic move on my part.”

 

Nate arched an eyebrow in response. “Oh?”

 

Pulling Nate flush against him, he started pressing kisses along Nate’s jaw. “Well, I was trying to get laid at the time, and mocking your culinary skills at the time may have worked against the prefered objective.“ 

 

Nate could feel the smirk in Mike's voice 

“A smart tactic, I must agree, yet now you have no qualms in mocking my skills in the kitchen.“ Nate playfully smacked Mike in the chest and the man stepped back with his hands held up in surrender.

 

“Face it, Nate, I’m a bad man, but you still love me anyway.” Mike managed to duck the dish cloth that was thrown at him, chuckling as he headed off to shower

 

Nate ordered up dinner then sat at his laptop firing off a quick succinct email to Doc Bryan, speaking in general terms without naming Ray what had happened and what Nate felt may be going on. He could rely on Doc to get the point of the email and hoped that he would have some advice in what to do about Ray

 

Poking his head into the bathroom Nate had to admire the view in front of him. Six months out of the corps had not taken anything away from Mike, the broad shoulders and chest still toned. Sweeping his gaze down he could not help but admire the view. Towel wrapped loosely around his waist, Mike was bent over rummaging through the drawers of the vanity, only straightening up when he noticed Nate in the doorway 

 

“What are you looking for ?” Nate could not help but let his gaze linger for a bit at the trail of reddish blonde hair below Mike’s navel.

“Those sharp scissors we keep in here.” Mike ran a hand through his beard. “This really needs a trim.” Nate stepped into the bathroom, reaching past Mike he opened the mirrored medicine cabinet, pulling out a pair of sharp hairdressers scissors. He maneuvered Mike so he is sitting perched on the edge of the bathtub. 

 

Nate knelt between Mike's legs and ran a hand through the rough beard, humming thoughtfully. He tugged on it gently. “Only a trim. I’ve kind of grown fond of this.”

 

“Always the bossy Lieutenant,” Mike griped good naturedly.

 

“You like it when I’m bossy,” Nate murmured as he started to trim and tidy Mikes beard ,  occasionally just running a hand across his cheek to feel the other man. Mike’s eyes were closed in contentment allowing Nate the simple pleasure of looking at his face. The time away from the Marines had been good to Mike. The hard set to his jaw was gone and the worry lines had faded down, still strong and formidable but also a more youthful look. “There. Done. Neat and tidy.” 

 

Brushing away a few wayward hairs he leant in and pressed a kiss to the side of Mike’s mouth.

 

Mike's arms wrapped around Nate's waist pulling him up and flush against Mike’s chest, the scissors forgotten dropped from Nate’s hand as he threaded his fingers through Mike's hair. One of Mike's hands slid up to cradle the back of his head, pulling him in to kiss him, slow and languid a gentle slide of lips. Nate sighed he could happily spend hours kissing Mike.

Breaking away from the kiss Nate nuzzled into Mike’s neck. “Food will be here soon, I should let you finish washing up.” 

 

Mike kept hold of Nate's waist making happy contented growls as he nipped at Nate's jaw. “Or you could wash my back for me.” 

 

Nate huffed a laugh. “Do you remember the last time we shared a shower? I ended up with a bruise the shape of Alaska on my hip.”

 

Mike made a put upon sigh, pouting. “Not my fault, the soap dish was at a stupid level.” Mike moved to the shower still trying his best to look sulky and seductive at the same time,

 

“No not gonna happen Mike,” Nate could hear the deep chuckle over the sound of the running water. A loud crash echoed from the kitchen and Nate groaned. “Sounds like the Source of All Evil wants to be feed, why did I agree to let you keep him?” 

Mike's voice floated out from the shower. “I believe a spectacular blow job and that cheesecake you really like convinced you.” 

 

Nate had to agree the blowjob was pretty damn spectacular and the cheesecake was heaven in a dish, but he was still not convinced that ending up with Satan's Cat was totally fair.

 

The kitchen floor was covered in what was once a pottery dish. It normally sat in the middle of the kitchen table, a place to store keys and all the odd things that accumulated in pockets over the day. Fizgig sat unrepentant on the table, balefully staring at Nate. “You are a horrible animal! Is this because I would not share the red liquorice with you?” 

 

Fizgig fixed Nate with a look that could best be described as old fashioned, implying yes he was unimpressed with the lack of liquorice. Once the mess was cleaned and the black beast from hell feed Nate retrieved two bottles of beer from the fridge and headed out to the lounge. Mike was already sitting on the lounge and by the sight of the large pizza box on the coffee table the food had turned while he was in the kitchen. Passing a beer to Mike , Nate settled into the sofa.

 

“So I emailed Doc before, thought he may have some insight with what is going on with Ray.” Mike looked over from where he was pulling olives of his pizza. 

 

“Sounds like a good idea , Doc is smart and he also knows how to keep a confidence.” Mike looked thoughtful for a minute. “You reckon he might know Brads number in England?”

“Why? Gunny, what are you thinking?”

 

“Well Person seemed to close in more on himself about a month before Brad got sent over to England, and rumours around the knitting circle where they had some kind of falling out. Don’t think it’s the cause of Rays problems but think it may not have helped.”

 

“I think you could be right. Ray started shutting everyone out around that time. I mean before that he was still going through some shit but he was a least making some pretense of answering calls and emails. And this car crash...fuck, I read the accident report. He drove off the road on purpose, Mike.” 

 

Nate could feel the bubbling well of frustration and worry in his gut. “Damn it! I didn’t get the men home safe through that cluster fuck to lose one of them now.” Nate slumped back into the couch, squeezing his eyes tight trying to quell the frustration. He felt the couch shift and the pressure of Mikes hand on his leg 

 

“Nate, look at me.” Nate looked up into earnest, hazel eyes. “You got us home safe and then some, we are going to deal with Ray like we do everything. Together. You lead, I follow, even if it means we have to drag his scrawny hick ass back here. You read me?” 

 

“Loud and clear, Gunny.” 

 

For a while they sat in companionable silence eating. Pushing the empty pizza box away, Mike groaned. “Alright I have some calls to make and you have a paper to start.” Nate huffed his agreement walking over to the corner of their small living room that had been turned into his study nook. Flipping his laptop open Nate could see there was a new email waiting 

 

 

_ Nate, _

 

_ Glad you got in contact in regards to our friend. Your concerns are warranted and I agree that he needs help and support around him. I have been keeping close tabs on him since our return and have noticed a withdrawal and concerning behaviour as well , He will no longer take my calls or respond to emails. I have texted both you and Mike, Brads contact details in hopes he may be of some help , I have also included links to information in regards to PTSD and Depression. I think these could be off help. Do not hesitate to get in contact I will help in anyway I can,  _

_ Tim.. _

_ Ps I should be able to arrange leave soon will update when I know dates .. _

Nate noticed a second email from Tim

_ Nate,  _

_ Just got word from another Marine who is from Rays neck of the woods, says Ray's mother passed away last month !  Someone has to get to him soon  _

_ Tim  _

Nate typed off a response to Tim’s emails and then another to his course supervisor to advise that he would be needing to take the next week off. His mind was already made up. He was going to get to Ray as soon as he could.

 

Mike's voice floated in from the other room. “Thanks Walt, knew I could count on you. Yeah, will let you know once we know anything.”

Mike walked back into the room “By the look on your face I’d hazard to guess you heard bark from Doc? And I’m thinking it runs along the same view as Walt’s.” Mike knelt down infront of Nate's chair. “I am going to call in some favours a work and get some time off. 

 

Nate raised a brow at that. “Why would you need to do that?”

 

Sighing in fond exasperation, Mike smiled at Nate. “Well being somewhere in Hicksville, Missouri kind of precludes me being at work and I think that this is going to be a two man mission.” Standing, Mike ran his hand Nate's hair. “How about you see if you can get a flight booked and I am going to call Nick and let him know I will be off for a few, okay?”

 

Nate beamed up at Mike. “A sound plan, Gunny. Trust you to know what to do before I do “

Flight arranged and car hire organised, it would be a couple of hours drive from Kansas City to Nevada Missouri. During the drive they could best work out how to aproach Ray. Nate had a feeling this was going to be a tough job. If Ray did not want help or them there they would have to find a way to convince Ray that he needed-wanted their help.

 

It was getting late and Nate realised that he had still not made any head way into the paper he had to write. Thankfully he was ahead in most of his course work and the paper was not actually due for another couple of weeks. He could let it slide for now and pick it up when they got back.

 

Closing his laptop and getting up from his desk, he made the rounds of their small apartment, finally ending up in bedroom he shared with Mike. The diffused light given off by the bedside lamps gave the room a warm homely feel. Mike was standing by the dresser pulling on a pair of worn cotton sleep pants, a pair that Nate had quite a few fond memories of. Looking over to the wardrobe door he could see that their two USMC Duffles had been pulled out and Mike already had his mostly packed and ready to go. 

 

“Thought is would be best to be ready for when we're Oscar Mike. “You can pack your own duffle, I ain't your wife.” The last was said with a grin 

 

“I got us on an early afternoon flight was the only one available at short notice. Non-stop to St. Louis then four hour drive to Nevada. Should get us in around 17:00.”

 

Mike nodded his agreement with what Nate had planned. “Well that's all we can really do tonight. You wanna get some sleep? Tomorrow is going to be a busy one.”  

 

Nate stepped up to Mike wrapping his arms around his waist, nuzzling the spot on Mike's collar bone that Nate knew always got a reaction, nibbling his way up his neck till he reached Mike's ear. “Not sleepy yet. I really just want you to fuck me and make me forget about this day for a while, okay?” 

 

Mike wrapped his arms around Nate’s waist. Oh yes, he could do that for his angel faced LT. “I don’t need to be asked twice.” 

 

Mike's mouth found Nate’s in a soft, slow glide of lips that felt as natural as his next breath. Soon the kisses became more heated and insistent. Mike licked into that plump mouth as hands worked up under his t-shirt, rough palms gliding across his hips. Thumbs plucked at the line of his pants with just a hint of desperation that drove Mike to start guiding them toward the bed. Nate made a happy little noise against his mouth and outright laughed when the back of his knees hit the edge of the mattress. He collapsed gracefully onto the mattress and pulled off his shirt, chucking it toward the laundry basket. The sight of those cute little nipples and the tempting curve of Nate’s waist did wicked things to him but he wanted to see more. Still he stole another kiss and climbed on top of his boyfriend, chasing his warmth.

 

“Still too many clothes, get em off," Mike grunted against his lips. Mike sat back on his heels and gazed at Nate with an open adoration and lust. He palmed Nate’s hips, fingers dipping into the edges of his sweatpants and boxers. He yanked them both down in one smooth motion that had Nate breathless. He wrapped an arm around Mike’s shoulders and tugged him down, cock twitching as the man moved up his body. Nate loved the feeling of Mike covering him, the gentle strength in his hands and the possessive crush of his lips enough to get his heart fluttering and his cock wet. He was undeniably hard as Mike started to grind against him and he was getting fuzzy headed feeling his boyfriend’s clothed dick against his own. He wanted Mike’s pajamas fucking  _ off  _ but the hot, open mouthed kisses trailing down his throat drove him to the most delicious distraction.  

 

Nate was trying to rub enough brain cells together to get his hands on those pajama bottoms but that all went out the window when that knowing mouth caught over his nipple. He couldn’t stop the needy whine from slipping past his lips as Mike nipped and sucked. Sparks of pure pleasure shot down between his thighs and his hips jumped, seeking friction. Mike was a methodical bastard when he wanted to be and he was destroying any illusion of Nate being in control. 

 

Only when the peak was swollen and tender did Mike move down and Nate nearly yanked him back. He wanted more with Mike, always more, but he choked on his protest when Mike’s tongue swiped at the pre pearling at the head of his cock. Nate did his best not to buck, fingers clawing uselessly at the sheet as Mike mouthed along his cock, licking and sucking as he pleased. Goosebumps broke out over Nate’s thighs as a tongue dragged again over the sensitive head and then it was pure warmth. Mike slid down his cock and he went cross eyed trying not to scream. 

 

They’d already had the neighbors complain twice but that was the last fucking thing he was thinking about right now. 

 

“Oh God!” Nate’s cheeks burned at the slew of needy noises that escaped him but Mike was relentless, persistent, a complete bastard. A hand curled at the base of his cock as Mike slid the other lower, fingers stroking almost lazily at the skin behind Nate’s balls. Nate whined and begged wordlessly for the next touch, knowing it was coming but still wanting to beg. Mike’s fingers rubbed over his hole and he arched up with a small cry. Mike hummed gentle encouragement around his cock and Nate could feel himself instinctively bare down, wanting more than just a fingertip against his rim.

 

“Pants off, lube,” Nate managed to gasp out. 

 

Mike huffed a laugh as he pulled off his dick. “Always the bossy lieutenant, Nate.”

 

“Then you better fucking listen.” Any authority in Nate’s voice disappeared in a surprised yelp as Mike gave him a swat on the ass. He gaped at Mike as the man sat up with a knowing grin. “You fuck.” 

 

“You love it.” 

 

Mike shed the offending pajama pants and with a little bit of searching found where the lube had rolled to after their last fuck. Nate was grateful that the mad scramble for condoms were long over. They both got tested regularly and neither were the type willing to ruin the very good thing they had by fucking around so they’d agreed to go without. Nate moaned in relief as he felt Mike’s welcome weight over him. Those wet kisses and heavy caresses resumed. Only when his head was fuzzy and warm from the loving attention did Nate feel the teasing pressure of Mike’s slick finger against his hole. 

 

Nate lost track of the burn and stretch with Mike’s tongue curled around his in a possessive slide, mouth slanted deeply over his own. He was pressed into the bed, Mike filling his mouth and his ass like it was his right, and Nate’s cock ached so much he was distantly afraid he’d come too soon. He was far from forgetting about Ray but the worry was pushed to the back of his mind. Everything would work out. Mike had him and there was no way he could fail or fall when he had his Gunny. 

 

“Mike,” Nate moaned breathlessly as three thick fingers curled inside him. Golden lashes fluttered, burdened by unshed tears, but there was a blissed out smile on his face. “I’m ready. Need you in me. Please?” 

 

The rough sound that left Mike was nothing short of a growl and it hit Nate right down to his core. He felt a sense of pride to be able to bring out the primal side of a normally quiet, reserved man like Mike. 

 

The steady pressure of Mike breaching him banished all thoughts away. Nate relaxed and let himself get swept up in the steady thrust and grind of their bodies. He clung to Mike with a ferocity that would have shocked him if he was in a state to think rationally. Mike had power and it rested in his hips, he knew how to move and it always amazed Nate. He didn’t know what he did to deserve it but he was grateful to the point of greedy. It seemed with every other thrust he felt his prostate get pinged. Jolts of pleasure raced through him and pressure built fast beneath his navel.

 

Nate gasped as MIke’s hand wrapped around his cock and it was the beginning of the end. Damn that clever, coordinated bastard. Nate fucked him back, rutting through the ring of his fingers and clenching down on the swell of his cock. His cries were getting louder and he knew he’d be hoarse the next day but he didn’t give a shit. His cheek grazed against Mike’s and he whimpered as the man crowded in close, easing just a little deeper inside him and crushing him just that much more. 

 

Breath ghosted across Nate’s ear. “I love you.”

 

That was all it took to set Nate off. He spilled between them with a strangled whine and dug his fingers into Mike’s shoulders. Mike stayed close and murmured more loving nonsense into his ear, liquefying whatever was left of his brain. Nate could feel the harder thrusts, the way his body rocked, and he rasped Mike’s name, begging him to come inside him.

 

The warmth inside him felt like a victory. Mike was too busy panting into Nate’s throat and riding the last waves of his climax to see the way his boyfriend mouthed ‘ _ mission accomplished _ ’ and grinned.

 

Later once they had cleaned up and gotten under the covers wrapped in Mike’s arms, Nate realised that whatever they were going to face with Ray he would have Mike at his back.


	2. Grief and Pine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I should have known Mike. How could I have missed it?” The guilt he felt gnawed at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the wonderful Webgottmilk for the amazing beta job yet again. It has been a long time between updates sorry guys but I am hoping to have this updated once every couple of weeks fingers crossed and work willing..hope you guys like it

Under every grief & pine 

Runs a joy with silken twine 

The Babe is more than swaddling Bands

Throughout all these Human Lands 

Tools were made & Born were hands 

  
  
  


They had only been in the air half an hour when Mike felt Nate's head drift onto his shoulder. Shortly after, the other man's breathing slowed and he had drifted off to sleep - Good. Nate had slept badly, worrying about Ray. His need to protect everyone was one of the many things Mike loved about the man, but also caused him to worry. There was not a week that went past when Nate was not helping someone, be it one of the guys from Bravo, or a fellow college student. Sometimes Mike worried that there would be nothing left of the man if he kept giving so much of himself to others.

 

It was this devotion to others that had drawn Mike in. At first, it was the deep respect he felt for Nate as a lieutenant through all the shit they had endured in Iraq. Nate had shown himself to be a cut above the other officers, and Mike had felt proud to be his Gunnery Sergeant.

 

To be fair, spending time in a Humvee together, you couldn’t help but get to know a person whether you wanted to or not. First, it was curiosity about the fresh-faced lieutenant - the man looked like a teenage twink, how the hell was this boy supposed to lead a group of  Recon Marines across Iraq? Mike had done his research and had found that the new LT had been in Afghanistan. He’d proven himself, and while he may have looked like a kid, he was (at 25) an already battle-hardened Marine.

 

Over the following months, Mike discovered he not only respected his LT but actually liked the man, warranted he had wanted to first kill Nate, then hug him after the bridge stunt. He had been damn proud, but terrified when Nate had lept out of the Humvee and into the fray to get his men safely off that damn bridge. 

 

Mike was not an introspective type, but the last couple of days had him thinking on just how he lucky he’d gotten when he wound up with a man like Nate - it boggled his mind. Mike had gone into OIF on the tail end of a broken marriage, too much time away and the changes that inevitably brought had taken its toll. He had felt no ill will towards his former wife, just sadness at the pain it had brought her. Meeting Nate had stirred something in Mike that he had long kept buried; he had not allowed himself to feel attraction to other men since he had joined the Marines since the line of thought would have cost him his career, or worse. But a pair of sea green eyes and a cherub's mouth were his undoing. When Nate had flashed him one of his rare, heartfelt smiles, Mike knew he was well and truly screwed; he would follow this man into hell itself with no regrets, and at this particular time that hell was Nevada, Missouri. Who the hell would name a town after a state?

 

o0o

  
  


Making their way over to the rental car, Mike could hear Nate muttering under his breath, “You still pissy about that?”

 

Nate’s eyes sparked with heat. “ Yes, I am. That was just rude! I mean I was standing  _ right there _ .”  The irritation in Nate’s voice clear. 

 

“I’m not sure who you're pissed at, her or me? I mean, I didn’t ask for her phone number when I requested the keys.” Mike was fighting a losing battle trying to keep the mirth out of his tone. 

 

Nate wasn’t the type to get jealous or possessive and to be honest, it was normally Mike watching  _ Nate _ get hit on left, right, and center, so he found this whole thing a bit humorous. Nate made a disgusted sound, looking sheepishly at Mike.

 

“I know, I think I’m still a bit frazzled today.”

 

Mike slowed his pace so he was walking alongside Nate, reaching over and pulling the man into a hug.

“You're kind of adorable when you get all pissy and possessive.” Mike foolishly felt Nate would let him get away with that, that is until he felt the slap on his ass.

 

“I’ll show you possessive later, Gunny.” Green eyes twinkled with mischief.

  
  


o0o

 

The drive to Ray’s hometown was going to take them a little over three hours- enough time to work out what they were going to say to Ray about their unexpected arrival. As the landscape sped past them, Nate let his thoughts drift. What were they doing flying halfway across the country on a rescue mission that may or may not be needed? Was his need to make sure Ray was alright about Ray or was it his need to still protect the men who served under him?

 

Ray had left the Corps close to the same time Nate had and unexpectedly, they had formed a friendship. Nate was often astounded by the speed and agility of Ray’s thinking. Arguments over America's place in the world, through to the classical merits of Antigone were often had over coffee in one of Oceanside's coffee shops. Ray was the only person other than Mike that Nate had opened up to about his sexuality, which Ray reacted to in typical Ray fashion, generally involving long monologues about the ass-backwardness of DADT, and then trying to get Nate to play a game of Fuck, Marry, Kill about the guys of Bravo.

 

Ray and Tim were the only two men from Bravo that knew the full extent of Mike and Nate's relationship, and it was Ray who Nate first called when he and Mike had finally gotten their shit together. It was Ray who Nate had confided in when he realized how deep his feelings for Mike went, and it was Ray's insistence that had convinced Nate that maybe Mike felt the same way.

These thoughts made Nate smile, but then he was struck by another thought: Ray always avoided topics that would be to close to personal, and once Ray had moved back to Missouri, and Nate to Boston, the emails, and phone calls -  while still regular - had taken on an air of obligation. Ray would answer questions about how he was doing in the most perfunctory fashion, always leading the conversation back to how things were for Nate and how Boston was. The conversation always seemed to lead in the opposite direction of what was going on in Ray’s life.

 

Pressing his forehead to the window Nate sighed. 

 

“I should have known Mike. How could I have missed it?” The guilt he felt gnawed at him.

 

He felt Mike's hand on the back of his neck, the expected reassuring squeeze coming directly after. 

“Chin up Peach, we’ll be there soon.  You honestly cannot blame yourself for this.”

 

Nate let out a loud laugh at the choice of nickname. Mike had begun the habit of using ridiculous nicknames in Iraq in an effort to get Nate to smile, and have a minute to forget the stress. However, the habit had only continued once they became a couple.  

“You pulling out the heavy guns Mike-- you haven't used Peach in a while.” Nate felt himself relaxing despite the sarcasm. It was going to be ok.

 

O0o0o00

  
  
  


After a couple of uneventful hours, they found themselves driving through the town of Nevada. Several wrong turns later, - all Nate’s fault, at least that’s what Mike was sticking to - they pulled into the yard of a small, timber-framed home. The house looked well kept and tidy, and Nate could see the back of Ray’s truck peeking out from under a tarp. Getting out of the car, Nate looked around.

 

“Well, this is the right address. Let's see if he is home.”

 

They climbed the stairs leading to the front porch, tentatively walking up to the front door. Nate looked over to Mike,

 

“I can see this going a couple of wa-,” Nate let out a startled grunt as the front door was flung open and his arms were very suddenly full of one Ray Person.

 

“LT, I am so sorry, shit I can't believe you're here, I'm sorry.” The last was barely decipherable through a muffled sob. Nate wrapped his arms around Ray.

 

“Hey it's OK, we’re here now. You going to let us in?” Ray pulled back from Nate, suddenly noticing Mike was there too.

 

Wiping his face with the hem of his ratty t-shirt, a reply quickly came. “Oh shit, yeh come in.”  Ray lead them into the house, taking them back to a small but tidy kitchen.

 

“Um grab a seat, you guys want coffee?” 

 

Before either had a chance to answer, Ray started rummaging around the kitchen, placing three clean mugs on the counter and turning on the coffee maker. Nate noted from his position at the table that Ray seemed to move as if on autopilot and kept making furtive glances towards them as if not believing they were really here. Nate looked over to where Mike stood to lean against the doorframe, tilting his head in Ray's direction, to which Mike nodded.

 

“Hey Person, why don’t you let me make the coffee and you fill in Nate about what's been going on?”

 

Ray looked up, a ghost of a smile on his mouth “What, you still don't trust me around coffee makers?”

Mike chuckled and pushed Ray towards one of the empty seats around the table.

  
  


“I don’t believe I have to say this but talk Person. Tell us what's been going on in that head of yours.”

Ray looked up at Mike and shook his head. “You Know Gunny, I don’t remember you being quite this bossy in Iraq.” 

 

Mike snorted, “No that's what you guys had Colbert for.”

 

At the mention of Brad’s name Ray’s face fell, and Nate watched as Ray hunched in on himself, which he mentally cataloged for later analysis. 

 

Nate leaned forward, placing his hand on Ray’s knee, “Ok Corporal, you need to let us know what's going on here.” Nate punctuated the point by softly poking Ray’s forehead.

 

Ray let out a sigh. “Where do you want me to start? The ongoing nightmares I have had since Iraq? Feeling alone? Brad being an emotionally stunted Viking, or my mom dying? Pick one, they have all contributed to the emotionally fucked up individual you have sitting before you.” A small, bitter laugh punctuated the last words. 

 

Mike sat in the vacant chair on the other side of Ray, pushing a cup of coffee into Ray’s hands.

 

Ray looked up at him, “ How did you make yourself right,” he gestured around him, “with it all?” 

  
  


Mike leaned back in his chair and glanced over towards Nate, a look of aching fondness in his eyes. 

 

“The man sitting next to you has a lot to do with that; when I got out, my head was in a bad place. I was angry, and I had a lot of trouble sleeping, the nightmares were bad - still are sometimes,” Mike paused to look at Ray, “Nate got me to talk about it, and Tim did as well.” 

 

Ray looked down at his cup, concentrating on the dark surface for a minute before he spoke .“When I got out, I thought everything was going to be OK, go back to normal. And it almost did. For a bit there, I thought I was working my way through it, but obviously, I did a shit job of it.” 

 

Nate reached out, wrapping his fingers around Ray’s bandaged wrist, an injury from the crash that had prompted their dash from Boston. Ray continued speaking, “ You left for Boston, Gunny got deployed and Brad fucked off to England. You know, I actually thought I was in love with him. How fucked up is that? I mean the Iceman is the poster child for emotionally unavailable and socially retarded.”

 

Nate felt his heart breaking for Ray. Everyone could see how much Ray had worshiped the ground Brad walked on - in his own special Ray way - but no one saw past the banter and good-natured ribbing. “Did you tell Brad how you felt?”

 

Ray let out a braying laugh. “You're shitting me, right? Nah, there was no way I was going to admit to Brad I was crushing like a teenage prom queen and he was the reason. Shit homes, I was having a hard enough time accepting my feelings, let alone telling him. It was not like the Alexander and  Hephaestion shit you and Gunny had going on… The men always joked about you guys being Mom and Dad, but I could see it even if you two took your damn time getting it together.”

 

It was Nate's turn to laugh. “Nice classical reference there Ray, and yeh it took us a while to realize.”

 

Mike stood up and went over to the sink, rinsing his mug as he looked over to Nate. “I’m going to go see if I can find what passes for a grocery store in this town, as I have a suspicion you don't have much apart from coffee and junk food is hidden about this house. It’ll give you boys a chance to talk. And don’t worry, I’ll fix us some dinner when I get back.”

 

“Still not letting the LT cook, Gunny?” Ray actually smiled as he spoke. “There’s a decent grocery store down near the library.”

 

Nate felt Mike press a kiss to the top of his head, “Back soon.”

 

When the door had shut behind Mike, Nate stood and set about making another coffee.  He reached out for Ray’s cup as he spoke, “You want another cup? I can make coffee without burning the house down.” 

 

As he nodded a yes, Nate noticed a flash of emotion flash across Ray's face, followed by Ray emotionally crumbling in on himself. He immediately set the cups down, and knelt in front of Ray, running a hand through his dark hair. “Hey, I've got you.”

 

Ray buried his face into Nate's neck,  damp tracks of tears beginning to collect on the collar of his shirt. Ray’s voice came out in hiccuping sobs,  “I can’t believe you're here. I'm sorry I made you worry, just don’t think I can do this on my own anymore. Loosing Ma was the final straw.” The final words faded into silence, as Nate’s t-shirt grew damper.

 

“One, don't apologize. And two, you’re not on your own anymore. We’ll get you through this one step at a time. You up to talking about your Ma?”

 

Ray dragged the back of his hand across his eyes, sitting back up as he did. He cleared his throat, “Yeah, it was an aneurysm. Happened so fast, she was at the library where she worked, putting books back, and she just dropped. The doctor said she was dead before she hit the ground.” 

 

Nate passed Ray a fresh cup of coffee as he continued. “It was only her and I for a long time since my Dad fucked off when I was little, and my grandparents passed a couple of years back. She was a hard-working woman, smart as a whip. She was the best…”

 

Nate sat up, giving Ray’s shoulder a squeeze. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry about your mom, Ray. I wish I had known. You had to make the funeral arrangements by yourself?”

 

“Yeah, most of ‘em. Pretty much most of the town turned out for the funeral. Lottie, my Ma’s best friend, helped a lot leading up to the day. She’s the one who called you when I had the crash, and she’s been keeping an eye on me..” 

 

Ray stood up heading to the back door, inclining his head to Nate. “You want to sit outside for a bit?”

 

Ray’s home stood at the edge of open fields, which made for quite the picturesque sight. Both men sat down on the edge of the porch to look out over the grass, legs hanging down. Ray broke the silence rather abruptly, “So Ma left the house and her savings to me, and I think I want to sell the place.”

 

“Mm, what would you do? Go back to school? Work?”,  asked Nate. 

 

“I think I want to go back to school, just not sure where or if I am ready for it,” came the disheartened reply. 

 

Nate’s mind had already started offering ideas. He would have to talk to Mike about it but was fairly certain Mike would go for it . They sat in solitude, enjoying the cool evening, till the sounds of Mike bustling around in the kitchen drew them inside. Mike already had pots out, bacon frying in a pan. “Bacon carbonara,” he said by way of explanation. “You don't want it, more for me.”

Both men grinned. Neither was crazy enough to turn down Mike's food -- the man could cook. 

Ray smirked, but quipped back, “we even get apple pie and ice cream for dessert? Don't know why we always said you were the mom LT, think Gunny has that one in the bag.” 

 

They ate in companionable silence, and whilst still subdued, Ray would occasionally allow one of his real smiles to break through. Despite this,  Nate could see the dark circles under Ray's eyes that he was flagging. “Have you been getting much sleep Ray?” 

 

“Nah, not really. Maybe a couple of hours a night, but if the nightmares don't wake me, I end up waking anyway. The Doc I saw gave me a prescription for sleeping pills, but I haven't wanted to take them, especially being alone in the house.”

 

“Can you show us which ones they are, Ray? I really think while we’re here it may be a good thing for you to have one or two, and get a solid eight hours of sleep at least,” Mike suggested. 

 

Ray wandered off further into the house, returning with the bottle of sleeping pills. He offered them to Mike, took the proffered pills. “Ahh, these are the same ones Doc prescribed me. They’re pretty mild, Ray.” Mike looked up from his examination of the bottle, noticing that the younger man was looking uncomfortably at the pills. 

 

“What worries you about taking them, Ray?” 

 

Ray gave a shrug “I’m just worried that if I take them and have one of the really intense nightmares, I won't wake up from it, yah know?” 

 

Nate gave a soft smile. “One of us can keep an eye on you Ray, and you may find the pills help dampen the nightmares. Either way,  you really need sleep, OK?” Mike nodded his agreement.  Don’t make the LT order you Ray. He can be a bossy fuck when he wants.”

 

Nate arched an eyebrow. “ You like me bossy, I seem to recall. Ray, why don’t you go get yourself a shower and Mike and I can clean up in here. One of us can rebandage that wrist for you after too.”

 

Ray smiled a soft smile at the suggestion. “You guys are kind of cute together. Who would have thought? I’m going to head for a shower, but the spare room is made up if you want to put your things in there, and there are fresh towels and stuff in the hall cupboard. Ma always liked to be prepared for visitors.”

 

Nate watched the retreating form of Ray, then turned to Mike with a sigh. “You know what I am going to ask Mike, but I need to know you are OK with it.” 

 

Mike let out a gentle chuckle, “I knew from the moment we got on the plane that we were going to be bringing home a house guest. The boy needs us, seems to me we’re all he has, and it doesn't feel right not to be there for him.”

 

Nate rose from his chair to stand in front of Mike. He brushed a hand through Mike's hair, pressing a kiss to his temple almost as an afterthought. “You're a good man, Mike Wynn.” 

 

Nate felt Mike's arm slip around his waist, pulling him forward until he was sitting in Mike's lap. Mike started pressing kisses to Nate's neck. “Well, this good man needs  some lovin’ while we have a moment alone.“ Nate felt the pleasant warmth pool in his stomach at the brush of Mike's beard against his neck. They kissed with unhurried familiarity, seeking comfort and contact. No matter how long they had been together, Nate would never get tired of this.

 

“Damn homes, you guys could make your own porn with that shit. I mean, if I didn’t think the chair would break, I would jump in for some of that cuddle action.” Ray’s voice sounded from the doorway of the kitchen hair. His hair was damp and ruffled, and he looked relaxed and almost back to his happy-go-lucky self.   

 

“Hey, Ray. Come here let me rebandage that wrist for you, still looks fairly sore.” Nate got up out of Mike's lap.

 

“Have you got the splint and bandage, Ray ?” Nate steered Ray towards one of the kitchen chairs, all brisk efficiency with the added mother hen element creeping in. He found the splint and bandage left on the counter where Ray had placed them. Kneeling between Ray’s knees, he gently took Ray’s damaged wrists in his hands. The sleeves of Ray’s sweatshirt had been pushed up and it left his forearms bare. Sliding a hand up Ray’s wrist, Nate noticed small cuts that peppered both the insides of Ray’s arms. They were not from the accident, and Nate's gut clenched realizing what they were from. Brushing a thumb over the newest of the small cuts, Nate found it hard to speak. He could feel Ray tense under his grip, knowing what would be asked.

 

Mike, as if sensing the change that had come over the two, got up and walked around the table. Looking over Nate's shoulder, he saw what had caused the lull in the conversation, the physical proof that Ray had been going through hell. 

 

Mike's large hand gripped Ray’s down-cast face gently. “Hey, we're not going to make you talk about this now.  When you're ready, yes,  but you have to promise us. you feel like you need to do this to yourself again, you talk to one of us.”

 

Ray’s dark lashes glinted with unshed tears, a small nod acknowledging that he had heard Mike.  Running a shaking hand under his nose, Ray looked into the worried faces of Mike and Nate. “ But what happens when you’re gone? I don’t think I can handle this by myself.” A shuddering sob escaped Ray, who folded in on himself. Nate's first instinct was to wrap the smaller man in his arms.

 

“Ray, you're not going to be alone, we're taking you home with us. Mike and I have already decided, ok?” 

 

Ray blew his nose loudly into the sleeve of his sweater. “I’m guessing you wouldn’t let me say no? Not that I want to homes, but have you thought about this, right? Me, loud, obnoxious me, in your nice, quiet,  _ organised _ life.”

 

Mike let out a deep chuckle. “ I think an ex-LT and Gunnery Sergeant can keep your unruly ass in line. Now let's get you bandaged up and off to bed. Nate, I can stay up with our boy if you want to sack out, you look done in. I’ll take watch. Ray? The first sign of a nightmare and I’ll wake you, but I am fairly sure those pills should knock you out for a good few hours.”  Mike went over to the sink and filled a tumbler full of water, handing Ray the pill bottle and a glass. 

 

“And you call Nate the bossy one,” Ray griped, but took the pill and downed the water as bidden.

 

“You look ready to drop on your feet Ray, and I know Nate here could do with some shut-eye. You're not going to make me order you now ?” Mike's teased, coming around to stand behind Nate. The strong arm snaking around Nate’s waist and the warm scratch of Mike's beard against his neck had Nate sighing and relaxing into his hold.

 

“You’re right, I am kind of wiped. You sure you're ok? And keep an ear out for Ray.  You have to be feeling beat too, though.” The strain of the last few days finally starting to wear on Nate, he felt like he could sleep standing.

 

‘I’m fine, standing fire watch with a comfy couch, a good book, and decent coffee is not going to be a hardship, Nate.” Mike leaned in and nipped at Nate's neck. “Besides, you may even feel inclined to reward me in the morning.” 

 

Ray stood looking at the two a small, sad smile gracing his dark features. 

“Ray get over here! You know you want in on the hug action, Corporal,” Mike laughed, the warmth in his voice evident. 

 

With only a moment of hesitation, they found themselves with an armful of Ray, his small, boney frame squeezed between them, a dark head nestled between their chests. Nate felt the knot of worry in his gut beginning to fade at last.

  
  


\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  


Looking up from his battered and well-loved copy of  _ Colour of Magic _ , Mike squinted into the gloom of the hallway. Most of the evening has passed quietly, only once having to go in and calm Ray from a nightmare, which had been fairly simple. As Ray had calmed as soon as he had registered Mike's voice.

 

Ray’s slight form appeared out of the gloom of the hall, his movements stilted and not quite right. It only took Mike a moment to realise that Ray was sleepwalking. Sliding quietly off the lounge, Mike took a slow step to where Ray stood. Mike remembered somewhere that you were not supposed to wake sleep-walkers, but he could shadow Ray and make sure he did not hurt himself, or wander out of the house. 

 

Ray started a shuffling walk to the front door, turning the door handle twice as if to make sure the door was locked. Satisfied, Ray continued his walk. His shuffling patrol of the house took in most of the windows and doors and even maneuvered him out into the backyard. Mike had worried that Ray might decide to patrol the whole neighborhood, but thankfully, once satisfied by what his subconscious registered, Ray returned inside. He stopped his policing at the large bay window in the kitchen, dark eyes staring out into the shadow-shrouded yard. Mike noted that Ray had his arms set like he was cradling his M-16, standing at loose attention. 

 

Taking a gamble, Mike spoke softly, “Stand down Person. Your watch is finished.” Ray blinked owlishly, not quite registering Mike. “Time to hit the rack Corporal, that’s an order.” Mike pushed a bit more command into the words this time, which had the desired effect.  

 

Ray’s shoulders straightened, and he spun parade-perfect around, taking slow steps back towards his bedroom. Mike followed, ready to intercede or prompt if needed, but they managed to make their way back to Ray's room without incident.

 

Wrangling Ray into bed was a bit more of a production, but once the blanket was settled over his shoulders, he seemed to drop back into a sound sleep. Mike turned his head from his sleeping charge to see a sleep-tousled Nate standing at the door. 

 

“Hey babe, we wake you?”, Mike whispered apologetically. 

 

Nate tugged the comforter he had wrapped around him tighter to fight the late evening chill. “I heard you moving around, saw Ray's little patrol, and thought I would let you handle it, Gunny.” 

 

Moving them both to the living room, Mike lay back down on the sofa,  pulling his sleepy boyfriend into his arms, his sleep-warm body nestling into Mike's. The steady puff of Nate's breath against his neck told Mike that his boyfriend had already drifted back to sleep. 

 

He let his thoughts wander; they would spend the next few days helping Ray get organized , and then head home to Boston with Ray in tow. He meant it when he said to Nate that he knew they had to take Ray with them - he needed them. 

 

Mike had not been particularly fond of the young RTO when he had first met him, but he soon grew to respect the capable man that lay under the noise and bluster that was Ray. He had become fonder of the man when he saw the friendship that had blossomed between Ray and Nate, and the way Nate told it, it was Ray who had pushed Nate to admit his feeling for Mike. For that at least, Mike felt he owed the man a lot. The shit Ray had brought up about Brad was of no surprise really. Anyone with half a brain could see that Ray had thought Brad hung the moon, but even Mike could see that it was not going to have a happy fairytale ending. Ray was going to need someone who would always be in his corner, embracing the weird, wild ways that came with having Ray in your life. 

 

Mike felt a protectiveness flare in his chest. Nate cared deeply for his friend, and in turn Mike cared for both of them. Damn, his life was about to get a hell of a lot more complicated, he just knew it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments feed the needy wolf

**Author's Note:**

> comments very much welcome and needed ( I am a needy soul )


End file.
